I was thinking about a meme that's going on over on tumblr that is quaintly called "resumeme" and basically has people list their prior positions. I considered posting mine, but only including my last job which was AVP of Quality Control in the Auto Loan Division of a major bank on the East Coast. It was my "dream job" and I was at the top of my game in my chosen career after working in the banking industry for 12 years. It was a relatively fast climb up the corporate ladder considering I started at the bottom, as a temp no less, in Wisconsin and then had to almost start over in Connecticut when I moved there in 2006. I was going to lament my bad fortune in being laid off because of the recession (the entire Auto Loan Division was shut down - no one was buying cars anymore and no one had good enough credit to get a car loan) and remark on how right now the only thing I can think of to do is possibly tend bar for a while. Then I realized, that it's not all the fault of the economy. I share a lot of the blame too. See, after losing my dream job which was just the latest in a series of life crushing events that befell me at the time, I pretty much gave up. Oh, I went through the motions of applying for other jobs at area banks, but who am I kidding? My heart wasn't in it. My heart wasn't in anything at that point. I've kind of been a zombie for the past couple of years because I couldn't find the energy to care about what happens to me.
How did all of this happen? My mom got sick, I had to leave my job, she died, I left the state,...all kinds of life altering events that culminated in me being stranded in a state where I didn't really know anyone, in a relationship that hadn't been working since day one, unemployed, and so unhappy I was silently screaming inside my head for the longest time.
The weird thing is how twitter kind of brought me back to life. Comedy brought me back to the world. Writing made me feel like a person again. Now, I don't know what's going to happen to me or what I'm going to end up doing, but I don't want the life I had before. I know I should, because it was a nice little life, but I don't want to try to put things back together and find that I'm not able to. That might be more disappointment than I can bear. I'd rather use this as a do-over. If I had to do it all over again, I would have stuck with writing, doing improv, and performing like I did when I was younger instead of taking the "easy" road and going into the business world.
Hey, I might suck at it, but what have I got to lose? They say life begins at 40...well, I plan to see if this is true or not.
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